Bollocks...I mean Ovaries...

I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome 2 years ago. This has offered me insight and explanation as to why I often operate differently to (seemingly) everyone else in the known world.
I have a Masters degree in Logic (for real) and a research addiction that I really haven't ever seen in anyone else.
But I'm also painfully aware that we live in a society obsessed with pathologising and labelling so I assume most people reading this will over-relate and be exclaiming that they ALSO have this obsession with logic and research. Well great for you guys.

I am in something of a misanthropic mood. This is new to me. In general, Aspies (of which I am depressingly typical) are over-empathetic. When I see a news story about a child in peril, it becomes my child and the tears of the mother become my own tears. I suffer injustices alongside those who suffer. I grieve for the dead and the dying, I ache for the lonely and the estranged and I weep and weep and weep for the persecuted. You too, right? Thought so.

The things I hate the most in the academic sense are cognitive dissonance (finding that my beliefs are incompatible with each other logically) the cognitive dissonance of others when I have already overcome it through, yknow, THINKING ABOUT SHIT (that was aggressive. See misanthropy above) and injustice. Ironically, the inner sense of 'justice' I seem to be so burdened with is difficult to rationally locate. But I have found that I can logically analyse states of affairs that I find to be unjust and locate the source of my misgivings not in some abstract principle or entity, but in the lack of inward coherence of the attempted rationalisation of actions of the persecutor. In this way I manage to avoid thinking too hard or too often about the source of morality or justice in any metaphysical sense and focus on my ABSOLUTE MORAL OUTRAGE at a situation, whilst remaining entirely logical in my thinking, instead of running away with emotional thinking like so many normies. Ugh. Normies. That's what we magical Aspies sometimes call you Neurotypical types. It's like "muggle" and just as slightly insulting. See misanthropy, above.

In these modern lives of social media, it is hard to be shielded from the MORAL OUTRAGE of pretty much everyone we know. Sometimes it is a simple outrage - someone hits a baby, baby hitting is bad. I recognise your outrage. Here is mine *clicks share*.
However, sometimes the MORAL OUTRAGE just doesn't resonate that simply with me so in order to assess whether I should click the share button, sign the petition, donate that "only £1" or attend the event, I hit the research and do a think.

Every now and again, I find that the moral outrage of the majority is actually complete bullshit. Either a massive overreaction to an almost non-existent problem (I did a blog before about rear facing car seats, don't even fucking get me started) (I can't drive and my smallest child is 4 feet tall though so whatever) or else an emotional knee-jerk reaction that seeeeeeems like it should be the right thing to be angry about but actually when you think about it makes no fucking sense and is actually pretty fucking offensive.

So here's my point.

Recently, I've been really pissed off about feminism. As a result of people seeming to not understand what feminism is and disagree with me on what we should define as "a woman", I bought some books and booked a weekend away.

I have spent 3 days now, fully (ish) focused on reading, listening, thinking and rationalising whether trans women are actually women, what femaleness essentially is, what femininity actually is, what socialism really is in the modern world, whether the arguments I've had pretty much every day for the last 3 months have been my fault.

In conclusion; fuck you. Fuck all of you.

I have read Femininity by Susan Brownmiller, The Second Sex by Simone deBeauvoir and The Female Eunuch by Germaine Greer as well as countless articles, news stories and it feels like almost all of wikipedia. I have been back to Ancient Greek texts about female and male, about slavery and freedom. I have looked at government definitions and scientific studies about gender and cognition. I have looked at the development of psychological and sociological theories of gender and I have examined my views from every conceivable angle.
And my conclusion is: Fuck You.

No one else reacts to an issue like this. I haven't at all changed my views, I've just given myself more fuel to use in arguments with idiots who cannot use reason and do not take the time to research. I don't CARE any more about the opinions of anyone incapable of rational and critical analysis and no-one cares about rationally and critically analysing their gut reactions and emotional thinking.

Turns out a lot of it comes down to this: People are fucking stupid.
Women love their slavery, women love patriarchy, women are masochistic fools on the whole who wouldn't choose to have equal rights even if they were offered to them tomorrow. Nothing will ever change because basically no one wants it to.

The big revelation is this: I don't care.
I am unaffected by women's issues because I am self-employed and self-sufficient. No one is affecting my rights and I am not affecting anyone else's. I have literally no reason to care whatsoever so from now on that is what I shall endeavour to do.

The same goes for socialism. People are fucking stupid. Most of the people in this country are getting utterly screwed over by the elite few at the top of the pile. But who votes for the Tories? The poor. They love it. They love throwing the blame at brown people and Eastern European people or at the EU in general. There's some Lord Whatnot in his 25th Bentley drinking the tears of the slaves he keeps at his 8 castles and the terrible fact is that they are tears of JOY! They bloody LOVE being slaves, being stolen from and lied to! "He probably worked really hard to be born into that inheritance!" they say. So fuck them, if they love it, what good is it to point out to them their condition!? If they wanted change they could vote for it and we just had a massive election with not only a good enough Socialist candidate, but the BEST socialist candidate we will likely ever see - and what do we do? Bitch and moan about how the brown lady he works with forgot a number one time. Well slow clap for us. Next time I'm being punched in the face I will make sure to focus my police report on the woman next to me whose bag didn't match her fucking shoes, so I probably deserved the beating in the first place.


So yes, there you go. I am clever, you are stupid. If we disagree, I am right and you are wrong because I am super special and I have thought about it more than you. But now, I won't talk to you anymore about it because all that will happen is that I will get bogged down in logic and start furiously drawing diagrams and making lists and you will become emotional and shout TERF and CIS at me. And I'll end up blogging because at least that way people can't start punching me, matching shoes or nay.

It should suck that people will read that last paragraph as arrogance, that's because I am a woman. I AM actually special, I have a very high IQ and I usually don't say that because it usually makes people call me names but fuck you. I have thought about things more than you because if I am stating an opinion that means I've done the research. If I haven't, I ask question instead. But as my counsellor said, and since this revelation at the end of my weekend of thinking has resulted in something of a change in outlook along these lines:

Your opinion of me is inconsequential. At best.